


Underwater

by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)



Series: Sterek New Year's Extravaganza [7]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire, Alternate Universe - Werewolves Are Known, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, College Student Derek, Emotionally Hurt Derek, Gen, Hurt Stiles, Pining Derek, pre-Sterek - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-26 16:45:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13239879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wasterella/pseuds/isthatbloodonhisshirt
Summary: When Derek spoke again, it was very quietly.“I like someone,” he admitted. “A guy.”“That’s great!” Stiles encouraged.“No,” Derek insisted softly, eyes on their linked hands, “it’s not.”“Why not?” Narrowing his eyes, he pointed a finger at Derek. “Is he abusive? Does he beat people? Or verbally abuse them? Is he a bully? It’s not Jackson, is it? If it is, I might have to take a minute.”“It’s not Jackson.” Nervous as he was, Derek rolled his eyes, likely at the absurdity of the question.“Then what’s the problem?”“I don’t know how he’ll take it. He matters a lot to me, and I’m scared to change things.”(SNYE - January 7th - Childhood Friends)





	Underwater

**Author's Note:**

> Teen Wolf (c) Jeff Davis

The first time Stiles had ever met Derek, he was five years old, and while a lot of people tended not to remember much about their childhood, Stiles distinctly remembered that meeting.

Mostly because he’d almost drowned and it was hard to forget the debilitating feeling of terror.

He’d wandered away from his parents during a family picnic in the preserve and had ended up falling down a hill and right into a lake. If Derek hadn’t been riding home on his bike at that moment, and if he hadn’t known how to swim, Stiles would have died.

After pulling him from the water, eight year old Derek had spent almost an hour with Stiles, looking for his parents. When they were finally located, they were beside themselves with worry, and had driven Derek and his bike home, where his own mother had been beside herself with worry.

All in all, a very stressful day for parents whose children were not where they were supposed to be.

That event had started the now-tradition of family dinners between the Stilinskis and the Hales.

Stiles’ parents wanted to thank Derek for saving their son, so they’d invited the Hale family over for dinner. Upon hitting it off spectacularly, it had quickly become a bi-monthly event and the two families hosted one another for dinner.

After Stiles’ mother had passed away, it had been almost impossible to continue, the dinners painful to have to attend or host. Stiles often thought that if Talia hadn’t insisted, he and his father may have drifted apart from the Hales, and each other. But she persevered, and while it was extremely difficult at the beginning, it ended up being the best decision. 

Stiles became close to the Hale’s youngest, Cora, but he and Derek had always had a strong friendship despite the three year age gap.

This was most notable in high school, when Derek had been a senior during Stiles’ first year. Not only was Derek popular and captain of the lacrosse team, but he had made it explicitly clear that anyone who tried to cause problems for Stiles would find themselves in a very tough position with Derek Hale.

Cora he’d left to fend for herself, but she was well-liked and popular by the end of freshman year anyway, so she ended up being his protector going forward once Derek graduated.

Not that Stiles _needed_  protecting, but it was nice having someone watching out for him every now and then.

Derek’s departure for university had hit Stiles exceptionally hard. He felt like it had hit him harder than it had anyone else and when it had been time to drop Derek off at the airport, Stiles had offered to do it and had hugged the shit out of him for almost five entire minutes.

It got easier as the years passed, and by the third time he’d gone to drop Derek off, he hadn’t felt like his world was shattering.

He still didn’t like it though, which was why summer was the absolute best time of year.

And summer had just started for universities, so Stiles was ridiculously eager to finish school.

* * *

Stiles’ right foot bounced impatiently while he watched the clock, chewing on a pen and only partially listening to Finstock go on about something or another. He knew Derek was coming home today, which meant he’d likely arrived at the Hale house by now. Usually he took evening flights and Stiles had to wait until morning to see him, but not today! Today, he was due home half an hour ago and Stiles was practically vibrating with excitement.

He also had news for him. Good news. Well, possibly good news. He hoped good news. He thought it was good news.

Whatever, it was news, at any rate and aside from Scott and his dad, no one else knew.

Not even Cora, which he would definitely hear about later.

“Dude, will you chill?” Scott hissed from his left. “You’re making the whole floor vibrate.”

“I want to go,” Stiles insisted in a whine, almost loud enough for Finstock to hear.

“Yes, I know. Derek’s back.” Scott rolled his eyes and Stiles grinned, twisting in his seat to look at him.

“Are you jealous?”

“Of Derek?” Scott asked dryly, giving him a look. “You’ve known him as long as you’ve known me, I’ve kind of gotten used to being second best.”

“Don’t be like that, Scotty.” Stiles slapped his back lightly. “You know I love both my bros equally.”

“Bilinski! Answer the question!”

“Sorry, Coach,” Stiles told him, winking at Scott before turning to Finstock, “but class is over so I’ll have to get back to you.”

Finstock opened his mouth to protest, but the bell went off loudly just then and everyone started packing up, Stiles already on his feet with his bag over his shoulder, striding to the door.

“You won this round, Bilinski!” Coach called after him and Stiles just waved one hand over his shoulder, calling farewell to Scott, who was slow as balls.

Rushing through the rapidly filling corridor, Stiles stopped at his locker and quickly dumped out the books he didn’t need, slamming it shut and tossing the strap back over his shoulder, hurrying for the exit.

Cora caught up to him before he made it outside, poking him in the cheek.

“Jeez, careful, or that smile will break that stupid face of yours.”

“Hardee-har,” Stiles said, rolling his eyes and pushing past a bunch of freshman. They hurried to get out of his way, which was probably the only advantage of being a senior.

“I’m guessing mom already said you could stay for dinner.”

“She offered to let me sleep over, but I’m a little old for that,” Stiles insisted, pulling open the door and shoving at Cora when she pushed her way out first.

“Um, no,” she replied, turning to look at him while they descended the stairs. “I sleep over at Lydia’s all the time.”

“Aren’t you dating her?”

“Casual experimentation,” Cora corrected, Stiles scoffing and rolling his eyes so hard his head went with it.

“Please. That’s basically like dating—Derek!”

Said individual grinned widely, pushing himself away from the Camaro he’d been leaning back against with his arms crossed, sunglasses perched on his nose.

Stiles wasn’t embarrassed in the slightest with the way he ran down the rest of the stairs, across the front sidewalk, and then launched himself at him, hugging him as tightly as he could manage. Derek just laughed and held him just as tightly, rocking them lightly from side to side.

“Get a room,” someone called from down the sidewalk, but Stiles didn’t care. People had been making rude comments like that about them for years, they just ignored them and remembered how much they cared about each other.

“Shit, I thought you were going to head home,” Stiles insisted, still hugging Derek, almost refusing to let go.

“I wanted to see you first.”

Stiles noticed that Derek’s back seat was full of boxes, which meant he’d literally driven down from the university and waited for Stiles outside the high school. He grinned, finally loosening his grip. Derek held on for a few seconds longer before also pulling away, the two of them grinning at each other.

Well, Derek was smiling. Stiles’ grin threatened to split his face.

“You look great.” Stiles gave him a once over. “You’ve been working out.”

“A little bit,” Derek admitted with a laugh, then scowled and jerked away from Cora when she reached them and punched him hard in the arm.

“Hey loser. Does mom even know you’re back?” Cora asked, shoving her hands into Stiles’ front pocket and wiggling her fingers around. Derek glared at her hand as if it offended him, but Stiles was used to her shoving her hands places they shouldn’t go so he ignored her.

“No, I was coming to get Stiles. She won’t mind.”

“Uh huh.” Cora pulled her hand back out of Stiles’ pocket, holding his car keys. “I’ll meet you there, lovebirds.”

Stiles grinned at her excitedly, knowing she was going to drive the Jeep down so that he could ride with Derek. He hurried around the car, pulling open the passenger side door and fell onto the seat. He let out a long, slow sigh, closing his eyes and melting into the seat. It felt like years since he’d last been in this car with Derek.

He kind of wished he’d taken Talia up on the sleepover thing now.

Once Derek was behind the wheel, they pulled away from the curb and headed for the Hale house, Stiles turning to smile at his friend.

“So, how were exams?”

“I told you about them yesterday,” Derek insisted, looking like he was resisting rolling his eyes.

“I know, jerkface, but you should have grades by now!” Stiles punched him in the arm. “Spill, did you get straight A’s? You got straight A’s.”

“I might’ve.” Derek grinned, glancing at Stiles.

Stiles just hit him again with a laugh. “Dude! That’s fucking awesome!”

“What about you?” Derek asked, stopping at a light. “What’s been happening here? You hear back from the universities yet?”

Stiles fidgeted at the question, biting his bottom lip and looking away from Derek. That earned him a concerned look, but Derek didn’t push. He just drove them to his house, casting worried looks his way, and stopped the car in the long dirt drive.

Turning off the engine, Derek turned so he was sitting sideways in his seat, eyes searching Stiles’ face.

“Stiles, what happened?”

“It’s not bad,” Stiles insisted, unzipping his bag and pulling a letter out. It wasn’t in the envelope anymore, since that would give it away, and he handed it silently to Derek.

Still eying his friend worriedly, Derek took the letter and unfolded it, eyes scanning the words before they widened and his head snapped back up.

“I got in,” Stiles said quietly, feeling a flush creeping up his neck. “Full scholarship.”

“Stiles!” Derek grabbed at him and hugged him tightly, the action awkward and almost painful since they were both still buckled in and the gear shift was digging into Stiles’ side. “That’s fucking amazing!”

Derek pulled away, laughing and returning to reading the letter again. There was a softer smile on his face now, and he folded it back up before holding it out to Stiles once more so he could put it away.

“I know it wasn’t your first choice, but I’ll selfishly say I’m glad this happened.”

Stiles shrugged while zipping up his bag. He’d gotten accepted to all his universities, but his top choice hadn’t given him a scholarship. While his dad had said he could work doubles to try and get the funds ready, Stiles had told him to forget it. It was across the world anyway, and he was still hopeful on his second choice, which happened to be where Derek was going, and wasn’t too far away from Beacon Hills.

He was glad he’d waited, because he’d gotten accepted three days ago, with a full scholarship, to boot. So not only was he going to his second choice, but he would be with Derek, and his dad wouldn’t have to worry so much about the tuition. All in all, he was thrilled, and he was glad Derek was just as excited.

So, good news, apparently.

“Stiles, I’m so happy for you, this is terrific.” Derek buried his hand in Stiles’ hair, smiling at him. “You’re gonna love it. It’s gonna be amazing. And I was going to start looking for apartments to rent over the summer, you can stay with me instead of the dorms, if you want. I’m sure mom and dad won’t mind footing a majority of the bill to help out your dad, they consider you an unofficial son, anyway.”

Shifting uncomfortably, Stiles shrugged and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Um, maybe. I’ll talk to your mom if she brings it up. Not really something I want to throw out there.”

Derek just smiled at him, scratching idly at Stiles’ scalp. Stiles loved it when Derek did things like that, it made him feel loved, and reminded him of why he and Derek had been friends for so long. He would love to live with him, but he was worried about the financial side of things. Sure, his dad had set money aside for schooling which he wouldn’t need for tuition anymore, but they desperately needed to replace the roof, the washer was older than Stiles was, and his dad hadn’t taken a vacation since Stiles’ mother was alive. If possible, Stiles would rather that money go towards his father, so living with Derek would probably be impossible.

Derek’s fingers stopped scratching at Stiles’ scalp, but he kept his hand there, eyes searching Stiles’ face. He shifted slightly so he was turned towards him even more and licked his lips, retreating his hand.

“Look Stiles,” he said softly. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and talking to some of my friends at school, as well as Laura, and I...” he trailed off, looking a little scared and Stiles frowned. “There’s something that I think I need to tell you. About—”

“Are you just going to sit in that car with Stiles all evening?” a voice boomed from the front door and both boys whipped their heads towards it. Talia was standing in the open doorway, hands on her hips and eyebrows raised in a way that was so Derek, it almost made Stiles laugh.

“The Alpha beckons,” Derek said with a sigh, to which his mother called,

“I heard that!”

The two of them exited the car and Stiles grabbed one box from the back while Derek piled three together and headed for the door. Stiles kissed Talia’s cheek on his way by, moving further into the house and towards the stairs. Derek’s father patted him on the shoulder on his way to the door to see his son.

Stiles brought the box upstairs to Derek’s room and set it down by the bed. Dropping his bag beside it, he looked around. He missed seeing the room look lived in. He always felt like it was too empty when Derek was away, and it was just a constant reminder that he wasn’t around. Stiles still came by often, because of Cora and the fact that he loved the Hales in general, but Derek had always been his closest friend and he hated when he was gone. 

He was still standing by the bed, looking around, when Derek appeared carrying the boxes he’d brought in. He had lipstick on his cheek and Stiles snorted a laugh, which just earned him a glare.

Setting the boxes down, Derek slapped his hands against his pants and then shut his bedroom door, Stiles cocking an eyebrow. Derek never closed his bedroom door unless they were playing video games late at night. It was hard playing video games in a house full of Werewolves.

“Your mom crush you to death down there?”

“Almost,” Derek said, moving to the bed and sitting down. He stared at Stiles until he kicked off his shoes and climbed onto it as well, sitting down by the headboard and crossing his legs over themselves, hands resting on his knees.

“I told her I needed to talk to you, so she and dad went out to grab some more groceries for tonight. With you here, we’re going to need more food.”

“Hardee-har.” Stiles rolled his eyes. “You and Cora should start a comedy routine.”

Derek smiled slightly, but then it fell off his face and he licked his lips, shifting so he was sitting right across from Stiles, legs also crossed over one another and elbows on his knees so he could lean forward.

“What’s wrong?” Stiles asked slowly. “You have your frowny serious face on.”

For a few seconds, Derek didn’t say anything. He just stared at Stiles, eyes moving along every line of his face, as if memorizing it even though he’d seen it a million times before. Derek reached out and pressed three fingers to the moles on his left cheek.

“You’re stalling,” Stiles informed him, because Derek had been touching his moles since they were kids, using it as a distraction for Stiles so he could stall. It had stopped working when Stiles had turned twelve and wasn’t as bothered by the spattering of moles across his skin, but it was a habit Derek hadn’t grown out of.

“A few things came to light at school this year,” Derek said softly, letting his hand fall back to his lap. “I spoke to some friends, and Laura, and came to a realization that makes a lot of sense, but scares the shit out of me.”

“Okay...?” Stiles wasn’t sure where this was going.

Derek licked his lips and shifted a bit closer, their knees touching. “You’re really important to me, Stiles. Our friendship is literally the most important thing in the world to me aside from my family. Your opinion matters, and I’m fucking terrified that this isn’t going to be a good conversation.”

Stiles frowned when Derek’s eyes glowed blue, and he glanced down when he realized he was losing control of the wolf. Stiles didn’t say anything and let him gather his thoughts. When he looked back up, his eyes were back to their usual green and Stiles reached out to take one of Derek’s hands, gripping it tightly.

Derek stared at their hands, a pinched look on his face before he let out a slow exhale through his nose and looked back up at Stiles’ face.

“I’ve known this for a while, I think. I mostly ignored it, but it was because I didn’t know how to deal with it. I just don’t want this to end up going wrong.”

“Derek, this is me.” Stiles offered him an encouraging smile. “You’re my best friend. Nothing’s gonna change that.”

Derek still sat in silence for close to five minutes, staring down at their linked hands, and Stiles was fine leaving him to his thoughts. He’d learned long ago that sometimes Derek just needed to chew things over before he could get them out. It used to cause problems for them when they were younger, but as Stiles grew up, he understood that Derek wasn’t very articulate, and he would always be honest with him, he just needed time to figure out what to say and how to say it.

“I’m bisexual,” Derek said quietly.

Stiles let out a whoosh of air, leaning forward so his forehead was against Derek’s shoulder while he laughed softly.

“Jesus, Derek!” He laughed, pulling away and shaking his head, grinning at him. “Is that all? Fuck, I thought you were going to tell me you got someone pregnant or something.”

“I’m not done,” Derek added softly.

Stiles promptly shut up, struggling to pull back his chuckles. He’d been expecting the worst news with how Derek was acting, but this was nothing. Stiles was bisexual, Danny was gay, Cora was most likely a lesbian, if not bisexual herself, so why Derek would’ve been worried to tell him was a little odd.

But, since he wasn’t done, it was possible that whatever he had to share hadn’t come out yet so he just waited patiently, one hand still closed around Derek’s, and the other rubbing soothing lines up and down Derek’s thigh.

When Derek spoke again, it was very quietly.

“I like someone,” he admitted. “A guy.”

“That’s great!” Stiles encouraged.

“No,” Derek insisted softly, eyes on their linked hands, “it’s not.”

“Why not?” Narrowing his eyes, he pointed a finger at Derek. “Is he abusive? Does he beat people? Or verbally abuse them? Is he a bully? It’s not Jackson, is it? If it is, I might have to take a minute.”

“It’s not Jackson.” Nervous as he was, Derek rolled his eyes, likely at the absurdity of the question.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know how he’ll take it. He matters a lot to me, and I’m scared to change things.”

“Well,” Stiles said with a frown, trying to think, “I can’t tell you what to do, but I don’t think there’s any harm in trying.” He shrugged, Derek glancing up at him through his lashes. “I mean, the worst that can happen is he tells you he’s not interested, but I don’t see why you think things will go badly. I mean, you’re wicked hot,” Stiles waggled his eyebrows teasingly, “and nice, and caring, and fucking amazing at everything. He’d have to be a complete idiot not to fall right in love with y—”

Stiles was rudely interrupted by Derek in that moment and he froze, eyes wide and hand stilling on Derek’s leg.

Because Derek was kissing him. Derek Hale had leaned forward and mashed their lips together awkwardly and painfully. He was still kissing him even now, a good three seconds later, lips wrapped around Stiles’ bottom one and sucking as he pulled away.

Derek opened his eyes, and Stiles just stared back at him, feeling...

He didn’t know how he was feeling. Confused, and a little weirded out and unsure.

It must’ve shown on his face or come out in his scent, because Derek’s face fell for half a second before he schooled his features into an unreadable mask and leaned back.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I wasn’t—forget it. It was nothing. Let’s just—let’s pretend that didn’t happen, okay?” Derek pulled his hand out from under Stiles’ and jerked quickly to his feet, clearing his throat and wiping at his mouth with one hand, looking around his room at the boxes. “Wanna help me unpack? I have some more stuff in the car to bring up.”

Derek kept his back to him, and Stiles was thankful, because he honestly didn’t know what his face looked like right then.

Derek Hale had kissed him.

 _Derek Hale_ had _kissed him_!

He didn’t know how to feel about that. He didn’t know _how_  he should feel. Sure, Derek was attractive and Stiles loved him, but Derek was like his brother. They’d grown up together, and were best friends, and had always been inseparable. But they weren’t... _this_.

Stiles didn’t even like him in that way. At least, he didn’t think.

Did he?

“Stiles?”

Looking up at Derek, he was still sporting an unreadable mask, but Stiles had gotten good at reading his emotions in his eyes. Right now, Derek looked scared. Hurt and scared, like he thought he’d just done something irreparable. Like he wished he hadn’t said or done anything at all.

Like he wanted Stiles to just disappear and leave him in peace.

“I, uh... I think I should go.” The words were like broken glass in his mouth, and he hated the heartbroken expression that flickered across Derek’s features before he could school them. Stiles didn’t want to see him upset, he was just confused. This wasn’t what he’d been planning on doing today upon seeing Derek was back. He’d been expecting fun and long chats and Derek regaling him with stories of university life as he moved into his final year, just when Stiles would be starting his first.

Just like in high school.

This was... this was a lot. This was too much for him right now.

“I’ll call you later,” Stiles said, climbing off the bed and moving around Derek to the door, hands in his jeans pockets. He nodded once, walking backwards and pressed his lips together. “Um, welcome back. Have fun with your family tonight.”

Turning, he rushed out of the room and down the stairs. When he exited the house, he cursed when he noticed Cora coming with the Jeep. He wanted to head home with his car, but Cora would take one whiff of him, and know something was wrong, and then she’d force him back inside and would smell Derek and that was _not_  a situation he could put himself in right now.

He instead bolted for the trees to the left, jumping over a root and into the forest of the preserve, rushing to get as far in as he could before Cora decided to play chase. She did that sometimes, and he really couldn’t handle that right now.

Stiles ran as fast as he could on the uneven terrain, heading further into the woods and passing through a large clearing. When he reached the other side, and was positive no one was following him, he slowed a little and picked his way through the fallen branches and overgrown roots.

When he reached another smaller clearing, he took a seat on a bolder near the edge of the open area and pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and burying his face in them.

He didn’t know how to feel right then. He’d never really liked anyone aside from Lydia, and while he’d always known that would never happen and they were good friends now, it seemed like such a normal thing in his life. He had liked Lydia, so he knew what liking someone felt like.

But now Derek had told him he liked him, and he didn’t understand how he was feeling. A part of him was screaming with joy, shaking champagne bottles and jumping up and down. Another, louder part of him was just telling him to run, run, _run_.

Run away from the unknown.

Run away from change.

Run away from feelings.

He knew leaving like he had wasn’t fair, but he couldn’t help it. That had been a little bit of a bomb to drop on Stiles on his first day back. How long had Derek had feelings for him? Was he sure he even _had_  feelings for him? What if he just liked Stiles because he was familiar?

What if they did this, tried to be a couple, and it ruined everything? What if they didn’t work together, and this ruined thirteen years of friendship?

Shit, what had Derek been _thinking_?! They should’ve talked about this more! He couldn’t just fucking kiss him like that, now Stiles felt like the bad guy because he’d needed to get some air and clear his head!

Stiles sat on the boulder for longer than he felt like he should’ve. It was getting cool as the sun went down, and his ass was numb, not to mention he was getting hungry. Stupid Derek and his stupid bomb dropping.

He didn’t hear anyone approach, but he was kind of used to that by now, so when someone sat gently beside him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, he didn’t get startled in the slightest. He was fairly certain she’d been watching him for a while, so she’d probably just been waiting for him to calm down before approaching.

Letting out a soft sigh, Talia rested her cheek against Stiles’ head, rubbing soothingly up and down his arm while she sat half-perched on the edge of the boulder with him. She smelled like apples and cinnamon and it made Stiles’ chest ache.

It was times like this where he missed his mom so much he could hardly breathe.

“My beautiful boy,” Talia said softly, reaching up with her free hand and brushing some of his hair back. “You’ve had quite the day, haven’t you?”

Stiles just clenched his hands tightly around the material of his jeans, refusing to look at her. Derek was probably furious, or heartbroken, or both. Talia had probably been piecing him back together before coming out to find Stiles, and he so badly wished his own mother could be there. He knew Talia was good at compartmentalizing, and Stiles was as much her child as Derek was, but the fact of the matter was, Derek was blood. He was Pack.

Stiles was just Stiles. So anything that happened, she would have Derek’s side.

“It’s okay to be confused,” she said quietly, her voice soothing. “And it’s okay not to feel the same way. I know you’re scared that this is going to change things with the family, but you are my son as much as Derek, I promise you. Nothing will ever make us push you away.”

“I don’t...” Stiles trailed off, his throat tight. “This changes everything.”

“I know change is scary,” Talia admitted, “but sometimes it’s for the better. Derek has felt this way about you for a long time, but I think it just manifested in a way he didn’t understand. He thought he just cared about you in a brotherly fashion, because he’s watched you grow up, but he realized earlier this year that what he felt for you differed from what he’d always thought he did.”

“Did you know?” Stiles asked quietly. “Did he tell you?”

“I’m his mother,” Talia said, a smile in her voice. “I’ve known for years.”

Stiles winced.

Years. Derek had felt like this about him for years. But how did _Stiles_  feel? People always made fun of them, told them to get a room, insisted they acted more like an old married couple than best friends.

Even Stiles could admit he did things with Derek that he didn’t with Scott. He held Derek’s hand when he was upset, which he definitely didn’t do with Scott. He let Derek run his hands through his hair, and Stiles loved rubbing his face against Derek’s beard since he’d grown it out his senior year of high school.

They always shared a bed if they went anywhere together, and woke up tangled together and would stay like that talking, even though everyone insisted it was weird. Stiles had always attributed it to Derek’s wolf side, because he knew Cora was like that, too. But in retrospect, Cora slept like that, and moved away so they weren’t _quite_  so tangled once she was awake. She’d stay close, but she wouldn’t have her limbs wrapped around him like Derek usually did.

There were so many weird little things that Stiles could pinpoint from their childhood onward that had never happened with Scott. Things he wouldn’t even _think_  of doing with Scott. Like skinny dipping. And falling asleep half-naked on top of each other. And showering together after being out at the beach all day.

Little things that seemed perfectly natural with Derek, but wouldn’t be natural with anyone else.

“I don’t want things to change,” Stiles whispered. “If they change and go bad, I lose everything.”

“Stiles, you would never lose us,” Talia insisted, tightening her grip on him. “You are a part of our family, a part of our Pack. You might not be blood, but blood isn’t all that matters. You are ours, and we are yours. Don’t ever forget that.”

He felt lips against his forehead and Talia pulled away. He missed her warmth already, and wanted to ask her to stay, but she had a _real_  son to go home and comfort.

“Please come to dinner. Derek was looking forward to seeing you, and even if you want to keep things the way they are, I know he’ll be happy just having you near him.”

Stiles said nothing, and when he looked up a few minutes later, she was gone, having disappeared as silently as she’d appeared.

He lowered his head back onto his knees and clenched his eyes shut.

Stiles didn’t do well with change.

* * *

It was half past ten when Stiles woke up, having fallen asleep without meaning to, and wondering how the cold and the hard boulder under his ass hadn’t woken him sooner. It was pitch black in the forest, and when he pulled his phone out of his pocket so he could turn on the flashlight, the low battery blinked at him, warning him his phone only had eight percent left.

Phones were fucking useless nowadays, because the battery ran down so fast it couldn’t even keep a charge for twelve hours.

Sighing and shoving it back into his pocket, he stood up and squinted at his surroundings, trying to see. There was no moon tonight, so it looked like he was just staring into nothingness, his eyes attempting to focus on shapes and shadows that were too dark for him to even see.

Moving slowly and feeling like an idiot with his hands out in front of himself, he headed for the trees across the clearing, fairly confident he knew how to get to the road from here since he and Derek had spent years of their childhood racing around the woods.

He knew if he screamed for help, the wolves in the house would hear him and come in search of him, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to see Derek yet, so he stubbornly made his way into the trees.

Touching the rough bark of every tree he passed in an attempt to keep his direction steady, he started heading for where he thought the road must be, and realized after ten minutes of walking that he should’ve reached it by now. When he stopped to call Scott or Cora to come out and find him, his screen wouldn’t turn on and he realized his battery was likely dead.

Terrific. He was going to get eaten by a bear in a forest owned by Werewolves.

Oh, the irony.

Continuing on his way, Stiles lost track of which direction he was headed in and got turned around, feeling his heartrate increase when he realized he was completely lost in the middle of the woods in the pitch black.

“Okay,” Stiles said to himself, one hand against a tree, nails digging into the bark. “Don’t panic. You’re probably close enough to the house. It’s okay.”

Feeling like a loser, Stiles called out to Talia. He waited a few minutes, then called out to her again, her lack of appearance doing nothing for his rising panic. He had gotten lost in the woods after dark a few times before, but every time when he’d called out to Talia, she’d appeared within minutes. The fact that she didn't now meant he was too far from the house for her to pick up his cries.

He was sure he could survive the night in the woods if it was just the cold he had to worry about, but other things came out at night. Predators, and Supernatural beings, and he really couldn’t be alone in here in the pitch black right now.

Turning and struggling to keep his breathing calm—and failing—Stiles began speeding up, hand moving from one tree to the next while he blinked rapidly and widened his eyes, as if doing so would help him see better.

When he reached out for the next tree, his hand hit air, and before he could even windmill his arms to stop his momentum, his foot slipped off the edge of the hill he now found himself at the top of and he let out a shout when he went tumbling down it.

His head cracked painfully against a rock somewhere near the middle of his descent, and he blacked out for a second, feeling dazed and disoriented when consciousness returned.

Then he hit water. It was so cold it shocked his system, his entire body tensing, tiny pinpricks of cold like needles stabbing at his skin.

His head was killing him, he was fairly certain he’d broken something—though couldn’t figure out what—and when he opened his mouth to inhale, water flooded it and moved down his throat.

Holy shit, he was drowning.

Holy _fucking_  shit, he was _drowning_!

Stiles struggled to claw his way back to the surface, but he didn’t know which way was up. Everything was dark, and he floated in place, unable to tell up from down, his head in agony, his lungs starved for oxygen.

He was going to die. He was literally going to die right now, and the last conversation he’d had with Derek had ended badly. He was going to fucking _die_  while Derek thought he hated him!

It wasn’t supposed to end like this. Stiles _refused_  to let it end like this!

He kicked his legs and flailed about underwater, trying to figure out which way was up even as a different kind of darkness played at the edges of his vision.

He could not pass out. He could _not_  pass out!

Stiles’ hand hit something and he clenched his fist, dirt getting under his fingernails and his hand closing around a fistful of mud.

He was at the bottom. Which was good, because he knew which way was up, but bad because he now had to _get_  there.

His brain seemed two sizes too big for his skull, pounding painfully while he turned and kicked off the dirt floor. His lungs ached, his vision dimmed, and he clawed desperately for the surface, still not having reached it by the time he lost consciousness.

* * *

His chest hurt.

It hurt a lot, like something was sitting on him. Crushing him, caving his chest cavity inward.

_“—on, Stiles!”_

Someone was speaking, but it sounded like they were talking to him from underwater. They sounded far away, and his chest hurt, and he couldn’t breathe, and someone was pinching his nose and covering his mouth and everything hurt.

_“Come on, Stiles, breathe! Breathe!”_

With an extra hard press to his chest that had his ribs screaming in agony, Stiles jerked slightly and coughed, water shooting up his esophagus and past his lips. He was hastily rolled onto his side while he struggled to expel the water from his lungs, pulling in a painful, shaky breath before coughing some more, bringing a shaky hand to his face and trying to wipe the water from his eyes.

There was a warm hand rubbing soothing circles on his back, in harsh contrast to the other hand which gripped his upper arm so tightly it was cutting off circulation.

Rolling onto his stomach and pushing up onto his hands and knees, the vice grip on his arm left, but the other continued rubbing at his back while he coughed and spat, feeling ready to throw up. Every breath of air was a struggle, burning its way into his body, and he almost wondered if it might hurt less to just _stop_  breathing. But, no, because he’d already done that, and it had definitely hurt more.

He stayed on his hands and knees for a long while, the hand rubbing at his back while he struggled to get himself under control. He knew who was beside him, knew who had been there to save him, but he couldn’t look at him yet. His entire frame shook, both from the cold, and the realization of what had just happened.

Thirteen years ago, Stiles had fallen into a lake and almost drowned. At that same moment, Derek had jumped in and saved him.

History liked to repeat itself, apparently. Stiles could’ve done without the near-death experience, if he was perfectly honest.

When he felt like he was calm enough, he shifted so he was sitting on his feet, wiping muddy hands along his pants. Derek slowly pulled away from him, hand sliding off his back, and Stiles had to steel himself before turning to look at him.

He couldn’t see anything in the darkness, not even the vague shape of him. All he saw were two glowing blue eyes, and it felt like he was starved of oxygen all over again.

He’d left Derek back at the house hours ago, and hadn’t come back. Derek had admitted something to him that he had been _terrified_  to tell him, and Stiles had walked out, too focussed on his own confusion and fear to realize Derek felt the same way.

Stiles had almost _died_  after having left Derek behind, probably thinking Stiles didn’t want to be with him, didn’t care about him, didn’t _love_  him.

He blamed it on almost dying, but without warning he burst into tears and threw himself at Derek, almost knocking him over while he hugged him tightly, burying his face in his neck and clinging to him for dear life.

“I’m sorry,” he insisted, tightening his hold. Derek hugged him back just as hard, one hand buried in his hair. “I’m sorry I left, and I’m sorry I’m confused, and I can’t tell you how I feel, because I don’t _know_  how I feel! But I love you, and I care about you, and you’re so, so important to me and, God, I almost _died_  and you wouldn’t have known. You would’ve thought I hated you, but I swear I don’t, I’m just confused, but I love you, and you matter, and I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Derek, I’m sorry.”

Stiles could barely get more apologies out while he cried, clinging to Derek like he might disappear any second. Like this was all a dream he was having right before being sent to the afterlife, one final regret that he could correct before leaving this plane of existence.

He was scared to let Derek go, scared he would disappear, that he would lose him, and he couldn’t, he _couldn’t_.

“Stiles, it’s okay,” Derek said, voice broken but somehow soothing at the same time. “It’s okay. We’re okay. Stiles, it’s okay.”

Stiles stayed there hugging Derek for an extremely long time, crying and apologizing while Derek continued to promise that everything was okay. Stiles only believed him when his voice stopped sounding wrecked.

After much too long, with Stiles in pain, still coughing up water, and freezing cold, they finally let each other go so they could stand. Stiles was unsteady on his feet so Derek crouched and had him climb onto his back. Looping his arms under Stiles’ legs while he wrapped his own around Derek’s neck, the Werewolf shifted him to a more comfortable position, and began to walk.

Stiles pressed his cheek against Derek’s head while they moved, eyes still attempting to focus on the darkness and a pain in his skull that wasn’t likely to go away any time soon.

They’d been walking for almost ten minutes before Stiles couldn’t take it anymore.

“How did you find me?”

“I went for a walk after you didn’t come back for dinner,” Derek said quietly, leaves crunching under soft footfalls. “I needed to get some air. I usually go around the lake when I want to be alone, but I smelled you. I could smell you, but I couldn’t _see_  you, and I realized you’d fallen in and hadn’t come back out.”

“Thanks,” Stiles said softly, tightening his hold on Derek. “For saving me again.”

They continued on in silence for a few more minutes before Derek spoke again.

“It was the same hill.” When Stiles made a noise of inquiry, Derek said, “From before. When we were kids. It was the same hill. And the same lake.”

“Were you near the lake that day to clear your head, too?”

“Yeah. A girl I liked had just told me she had a crush on someone else. I came by the lake to be alone.”

“If you hadn’t, I’d have died,” Stiles whispered, the realization a little startling. “If you hadn’t this time, either, I’d have died.”

Derek’s hands tightened under his legs, like the thought scared him. It scared Stiles, too. It was crazy to imagine that he’d almost drowned twice in the same place, and had been saved both times because Derek’s heart had been broken and he needed some air.

The second time had been Stiles' fault, but still.

They spent the rest of the walk home in silence, and when Derek broke through the trees to head for the house, Talia and Cora were on the porch in seconds, hurrying down the steps and rushing towards them while Derek’s poor very human father stood confused in the doorway.

“Stiles!” Talia reached them first, turning his head so she could get a better look at him. “This looks bad, we need to get this cleaned up.”

“Are you okay?” Cora asked, her nostrils flaring and worry in her eyes. “Why are you all wet? What happened?”

“You’re shaking,” Talia interjected, pushing at Derek to get him to walk faster towards the house. “How long have you been out there? Don’t tell me you stayed out in the woods this whole time!”

It was hard to get a word in with them both talking at him like that. Talia ushered him and Derek into the house, the lights almost too bright after the pitch blackness of the forest, and he climbed off Derek’s back. He was unsteady on his feet, and Talia helped him quickly up the stairs and into the bathroom. She ran the shower for him and told him to get cleaned off and warmed up while she found him some clothes.

She didn’t close the door all the way, but he’d been around the Werewolf family enough to not feel awkward or embarrassed about being naked in front of them. At least the door was mostly closed, and he knew she wouldn’t come in unless she heard him pass out or something.

Climbing into the shower, he winced when the hot water hit his skin, this time like thousands of tiny needles of heat. It hurt just as much as the cold had, but he struggled to get himself cleaned off. When it took too much effort to stay standing, he sat down in the tub and continued cleaning off.

He had a nice collection of cuts and bruises all along his torso and up his arms. The water hitting his head made his brain pulse painfully in his skull and it was a struggle to reach up and turn the water off. Using the edge of the tub to help him stand, he pulled back the curtain and found a fresh towel on the closed toilet seat, along with sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt on the edge of the sink.

He towelled off quickly, hanging it on the back of the bathroom door before carefully pulling the clothes on. He couldn’t help but wince when he brushed against his various injuries, but he managed to get the clothes on without hurting himself too badly.

When he glanced in the mirror, he saw his head wound was still bleeding sluggishly. Grabbing some toilet paper, he dabbed at it to try and stop the bloodflow when the ajar door pushed open. Talia walked in holding a first aid kit, and Stiles couldn’t help but smile as he took a seat on the toilet lid, the older woman moving to sit on the edge of the tub.

“Haven’t seen that in a while,” he commented when she pulled open the small kit and began rooting through it.

“You haven’t gotten hurt doing something stupid in a long time,” she said, a teasing note in her tone. “When you were younger, you were a nightmare. Derek would always have to carry you back here for me to patch up, and as a woman with three Werewolf children, learning how to fix a human boy certainly scared me for a few years.”

“You figured it out,” Stiles said, tilting his head so she could dab at his wound with some disinfectant. “Helps you married a human, I guess.”

Talia chuckled, her touch gentle while she worked to ensure everything was cleaned and had stopped bleeding. “Yes, I suppose so. He had to help me a lot when I patched you up the first little while. I remember how stressed I was the first time you showed up injured and he wasn’t home. You almost gave this old lady a heart attack.”

“I never noticed, you were a pro healer,” Stiles said with a smile. “You still are.”

“Well, I’ve had lots of practice.” She gave him a pointed look. “Too much, in fact.”

They were silent while she stuck an adhesive bandage to the cut on his forehead, and then she slowly and methodically checked all his other wounds to make sure he was going to be all right.

“Derek told you what happened?” he asked quietly.

“He did,” she said, putting everything back into the kit and tossing out the garbage. “I called your father to let him know, so he wouldn’t have a heart attack when he saw you tomorrow.”

Stiles nodded, hugging himself, and knowing that meant he was staying the night. He didn’t know how he felt about that, and it was obviously telling because Talia rubbed at his back. A lot of Hales seemed to do that to him.

“You really scared us,” she admitted.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t...” He felt tears forming again and stared up at the ceiling, not needing to have a mental breakdown right now. “I got turned around and ended up too far from the house. If Derek hadn’t been there...”

His chest tightened and he felt like he couldn’t breathe all over again. Talia’s hand brushing hair out of his face grounded him a little, and she leaned forward to kiss his temple.

“He will always be there for you. We all will. And he knows you’re confused, and he isn’t going to push. He just wants you in his life, in whatever way you’re willing to be in it.”

“I love him,” Stiles said quietly. “I just don’t know if I’m _in_  love with him.”

“I know, sweetheart. But you won’t figure that out in one night. Derek had months to think about it, and he’ll wait for your decision, whatever it may be. You won’t lose him, he cares about you too much to let that happen.” She kissed him again and stood.

Stiles followed suit, feeling unsteady, but better than he had earlier. Talia wrapped an arm around his shoulders and they walked out into the corridor. Cora and Derek were both lingering by their bedroom doorways, and Stiles could hear their father on the phone downstairs. It sounded like he was still talking to his dad.

“It’s late and we’ve all had an exciting day,” Talia said, rubbing at Stiles’ arm. “Let’s head to bed, yeah?”

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Cora said, shoving Stiles lightly and pushing him further into Talia’s side. “Don’t do that, okay? If you get lost in the woods, just howl or something. We’ll find you.”

“Noted,” Stiles said with a smile.

Cora nodded, kissed his cheek, bid her mother goodnight, then punched Derek in the arm before closing her bedroom door. Derek scowled after her, rubbing at his arm, even though Stiles was sure it didn’t even hurt anymore.

“You can sleep in the guest room, if you want,” Talia said, kissing Stiles’ temple once more and then pulling away. “Whatever you decide. I’ll be downstairs.” She moved to Derek and kissed his cheek. “Good night.”

“Night mum.”

They both watched her descend the stairs, and then faced one another at the same time. Derek was standing awkwardly in his doorway, arms crossed defensively and shifting his weight. Stiles had one hand out against the wall, using it to help him stay balanced.

This was difficult, because Stiles had never slept anywhere but in Derek’s bed with him when he came over. From the age of five, to the age of seventeen last year, whenever he stayed over, they shared the bed.

But things were different, now. Derek liked him.

Or, Stiles supposed he’d always liked him, but hadn’t figured it out until recently. And Stiles still didn’t know how he felt. Maybe he liked him, but his brain was a jumbled mess right now and his head hurt too much to dwell on it.

“Look,” Stiles said quietly, “I just... Can we just be _us_  for tonight? Can we just forget what happened this afternoon just for one night? I’m just—my head hurts, I almost drowned, and you’re here, and I just really want us to not be awkward together and be normal for tonight. Tomorrow, we can deal with the rest of it, and I’ll figure things out and we can talk, okay?”

“Okay,” Derek said, voice soft. “You know I’ll respect whatever you decide. I’m just worried things will change if you don’t feel the same way. And I know you’re scared of change in general.”

Stiles nodded and moved closer to Derek. “Something to dwell on tomorrow. For now, you’re just Derek, I’m just Stiles, and we’re both going to go to sleep like we do every other time we’re together.”

“Okay.”

Derek led the way into the room, and Stiles followed, closing the door behind himself. He padded over to the queen bed, climbing under the covers on the left side while Derek stayed behind by the lights. They had learned very early on in their friendship that Stiles could and _would_  trip over everything humanly possible from the light switch to the bed, so it was safer for the Werewolf with night vision to do it.

Once he was settled, Derek turned off the light and crossed the room, going around the bed and getting in on the other side. The room was brighter than the forest had been, the outside lights still on and providing some illumination.

Stiles rolled onto his side, staring at Derek, and found him staring right back.

“I don’t want things to change,” Stiles whispered, afraid to voice the words aloud.

“I know,” Derek said. “But what if this change is a good thing?”

“What if it isn’t?” Stiles asked. “I can’t lose you. Derek, I _can’t_. I wouldn’t _survive_  losing you.”

Derek reached out one hand, burying it in Stiles’ hair, nails dragging against his scalp lightly. Stiles closed his eyes, relishing the feel of his fingers between the strands.

“That’s how I feel about you,” he returned quietly. “When I pulled you out of the water, all I could think of was that if you died, I would die, too. If you decide we can’t be together how I want, I’ll survive, so long as I still have you in my life. It’ll hurt, and be hard, but I love you, Stiles. I love you, and I’m _in_  love with you. Whatever happens, I just need you to _stay_. That’s all.”

“I will,” Stiles promised, opening his eyes. “I’ll stay as long as you want me.”

“Forever it is.”

Stiles couldn’t help but let out a laugh, rolling his eyes. “You are such a sap.”

“Shut up, you love it.”

Smiling slightly, Stiles shifted closer, his knees brushing against Derek’s under the blankets. “I’m sorry I left before. I was just confused. And scared.”

“I know.” Derek smiled. “Tomorrow, remember? Tonight is for sleeping like normal.”

“Right.” Stiles let out a slow breath, his head still aching. “You’ll wake me up if I die in my sleep, right?”

“If you hadn’t hurt your head, I’d smack you,” Derek said dryly, pulling his hand back. Stiles just grinned at him and burrowed his face further into the pillow.

He felt Derek shift closer, and kind of hated how awkward this felt. It was normal, but not, and he wanted it to just be _normal_.

If they hadn’t had that talk earlier, and Stiles had ended up staying the night, he would be half on top of Derek to get as much of the bed as possible, and Derek would have one arm around his waist, or resting against his back, or in his hair. Now, Stiles was barely touching him and Derek was keeping his hands to himself.

After ten minutes of lying there facing one another, both of them pretending to sleep, Stiles let out a loud huff and sat up. Derek’s eyes opened but he didn’t move as Stiles grabbed one of his arms and laid it out flat on the bed. He scooted closer, lay back down, and pulled Derek’s other arm around him, pressing his face into Derek’s bare chest.

“As close to normal as we’re gonna get,” he informed Derek. “Now wrap your arms around me, and go to sleep.”

Derek didn’t move for a few seconds, and then slowly closed his arms around Stiles, one hand resting on his lower back and the other against the back of his neck, thumb brushing lightly at his hairline.

Stiles got comfortable, inhaling deeply and pushing one foot between Derek’s calves before settling.

It wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no.

It was a maybe.

Stiles was still pretty confused, and he knew it would take more than just one night to sort out his feelings and figure out where he wanted to go, or if he even wanted anything to change, but for right now, he just needed Derek close to him.

Whatever happened, he just needed Derek, and Stiles would always, _always_  be there for him in return. Because Derek was the most important person in his life after his dad, and he was going to figure himself out, and they would move forward from there when he had his thoughts together. Whatever the outcome, he knew Derek would support it, and that was why he loved him so much.

With that in mind, he buried his face further against Derek’s chest, the other’s strong arms wrapped around him comfortingly, and closed his eyes.

Right now, he was exactly where he needed to be.

**END.**

 


End file.
